I am a little behind schedule. It’s been a noisy week. And a sad week. I find myself turning on the news only to turn it off again a few moments later. Either the newscaster is talking about the horrific event in Quebec City. Or she is telling us about Trump’s latest blowhardic nonsense. Or if I am particularly unlucky it is himself clogging the airways with what I consider idiocy. But I have no intention to make this station about the Man in Orange. Sorry for even bringing him up.
Either way it was all very noisy and my heart feels unsettled. And with that unsettled feeling my thoughts have become even hard to catch. And like my desire to keep trying to find good news in the news, I might be trying for the impossible.
I truly feel like we are all the same but essentially different. The world would be such a dreadful place if we were all the same. But yet we are the same in that we carry such a great ability to love, hate, and feel overwhelmed. And I think more and more of us are feeling overwhelmed and I really hate that because I know that feeling so well.
Finding out you have a bunch of tumours in your body that are uninvited and clearly unwanted is overwhelming. Feeling alone and isolated is overwhelming. Feeling sad and not being able to not be sad is wretchedly overwhelming. Making a to-do list of what seems like epic proportions is overwhelming. Looking at a list of unpaid bills is overwhelming. See, I’m sure I don’t need to go on. I have a feeling you know what I’m writing about.
Maybe we are all overwhelmed these days. So rather than leave that Bell Let’s Talk day in last month, maybe we all need to continue to chat about how we feel. I know telling a bunch of loved friends I was feeling littered by tumours helped me. I know chatting about the noise of the current week would help too. And trying to find happiness, just even a smidgen everyday.
I’m trying really hard to find the happy in every day. It isn’t very easy when you don’t feel well. But I am learning you can borrow some from someone else. Today I tried yoga, I was clearly not the most fluid or balanced. But I didn’t fall over. That my friends is something to be joyous over. Because I was like a bowling candlepin. I was tipping and swaying and I even saw my neighbour look nervously at me. I think perhaps she was wondering if she was fast enough to evade my falling frame.
So my friends dust off a little happy. Even if it is realizing there is enough milk for your tea or the fact that that when you smile in the mirror someone beautiful is smiling back at you.